is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
COCAINE IS GR8
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
