we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
