Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
