He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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