There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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