I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
