I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
