I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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