i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
