yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the day after is always just damage control
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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