I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
