Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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