If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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