Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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