The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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