Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
