Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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