well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
