What did we do last night that was yellow?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
