I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
