so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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