What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
