I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
well most of my day revolves around power hour
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
