Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
