Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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