Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
