Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
