This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
