I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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