she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
