I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
