She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
