Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
