Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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