so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You've changed since you got that strap on
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
