you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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