I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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