last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I want a musical about memes.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
