Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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