just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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