just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
