She is in my trunk
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
