There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
