sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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