So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
