Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We just shotgunned beers for America
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
