It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
