there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
