I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
