I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
