I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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